he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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