just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
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But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
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Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize