Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
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you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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