Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
