dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize