Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
