So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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