"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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