My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
