I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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