I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
