Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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