woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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