he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i think i just lost a toe
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
