That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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