drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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