Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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