man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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