you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
