what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You are a booty call, not a friend.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
