put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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