I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
