to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
