My nipple is on Facebook.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
