Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
