Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
