I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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