I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
