A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
