just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
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Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
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why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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