Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
