did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
