Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
