good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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