Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
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I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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