Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
