What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
