Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize