it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
