Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
