You made me cry and you don't even care
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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