Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
