Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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