I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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