She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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