The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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