Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
