I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
