Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
