My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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