im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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