Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
no you cant smoke seaweed
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
