I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
