so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
