Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
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were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
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Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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