I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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