I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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